September is always an interesting time around here. September is my birthday month -- mom's too, as our birthdays are on the same day. And it's this blog's anniversary -- it's been three years that I've been writing for Life Begins at 30. But this year, I'd say things are a little different. They are interesting, but not in such a great way.
You may have noticed that this blog has been going in fits and starts for the summer, and it's mainly because I have been preoccupied with other things -- the biggest being that J moved out about two weeks ago. It may be a temporary thing, and I'm not really here to air our laundry on this blog, but at the same time I don't feel like I would be authentic if I didn't give you a hint into what's going on.
It's been a pretty difficult time.
And it's been a huge time of re-evaluation. Inevitably, when you've been with someone for over four years, your lives mesh to a point where you don't know where one life begins and another ends. Opinions become "our opinions" and even things like design sense, points of view, and what one eats are affected.
Food hugely enters into this equation. This week I shopped for myself for the first time. And I was stopped cold as I was in the store trying to figure out what I wanted to eat ... not what I should eat, or what I'd like that he liked, but solely what I wanted for the next week. No tofu went into my basket, no jam, no rice, and no fat-free yogurt. I found cereal and cheese and popcorn and (gasp!) boxed macaroni and cheese.
That's not to say that I did away with everything that we loved together. I bought pea shoots, figs, and great bread this week, and they are all things that the two of us loved to eat together.
When we made the decision that J was moving out, I knew that it would bring big changes to my life. But I didn't realize that it would wholly affect so many parts of my daily life. One change I didn't predict was in my photography: I am spending a lot of time re-questioning what it is that I like to shoot, and what things I find to be beautiful. I took a lot of photos before Jason was ever in my life, but my photography has been refined and solidified in the past four years.
All of a sudden, every photograph I take is a test -- why am I taking this photograph, and is it something that I really want to shoot, or is it because it's something that we as a couple found to be interesting? The photos you find spread throughout this post (and all the photos on my new flickr site) are some that I have only taken in the past three weeks or so, and are a work-in-progress developing my new design eye. I am working on using everything I've learned, but also pushing myself to evaluate how and why I take particular shots.
I am so blessed to have a really great support network of friends and family, and I have been constantly and completely overwhelmed by the support I am getting during this time. I don't have a way to express myself about this without sounding trite, but I don't think I have ever felt as completely embraced, held up, and supported by such a complete network of amazing people. I often have trouble asking for what I need, but there has not been one thing during this entire ordeal that I have asked for and not received. And that's saying something.
So what can you expect from Life Begins at 30 in the next few months? Probably a little more inward comtemplation. Most likely a few more blog posts about Southern California -- all of my immediate family, and a great cadre of old friends are there and I've been spending some time there. Hopefully, I will get back to some of the hard-hitting food industry posts that some of you come here for. But for the moment, I hope you'll forgive posts of a little more personal nature.
Recent Comments