Cooking for One

One reason that I'm happy to participate in NaBloPoMo is because it's going to help me to get some posts out of my system that I've been working on for a while.  This is one of those posts.

So here's my secret: The past two months are the first time in my life that I've had to cook for myself.  I have lived by myself, but by the time I did I was dating Jason so I was always cooking for the two of us.  And before that, I always had roommates around.  So while I wasn't directly responsible for cooking for anyone, there was always a crowd to help eat the leftovers.

And when Jason and I were living together, there were times when I would completely luxuriate in the idea of cooking for myself.  But now that cooking for just myself is pretty much a fact of life, I am beginning to look at it differently in many ways.

During most of September, I found myself eating pretty sporadically.  A meal a day was really sustaining me most of the time, and I would usually cook too much or not at all.  Most of this month was a blur anyway, and I often ate just whatever would keep me going.  And when I was cooking, I would completely miscalculate the amount that I could eat, and that excess of food around the house would just help push me further into the funk that I was already in.

In October, however, I started to get the hang of things.  I bought a microwave -- spunky and red.  I haven't owned a microwave in years, but when I was at mom's house for a couple weeks recently I realized that it really does come in handy sometimes.  And it was just the thing that I felt would help my singleness be a little easier.  To tell you the truth, I think I've used it once.  To melt butter.  Oh ya, and then this morning to reheat my coffee (please, please James Freeman don't be reading this blog post right now).  But for some reason I feel better having it in the house. 

I bought a small 3.5 quart Le Creuset dutch oven - perfect for small batches of soup and other deliciousness.  This one now sits, all happy and blue next to my beautiful 6.75 quart dutch oven, which is much better suited to having friends over and making something substantial.  I bought the little blue dutch oven two weeks ago, and I think that I have used it every day that I've cooked since then.  Pretty great investment already.  The soup that I made here is a chickpea and spinach soup that was delicious -- the recipe can be found in Mark Bittman's newest book, The Best Recipes in the World.

So as I get into this rhythm of cooking for myself, I've had a series of small successes. 

I've learned how to make a mean risotto for one person.  After a stressful day, it's very therapeutic for me to stand at the stove and stir and stir and stir.  I have always seen cooking risotto as an act of love.  It's not something that can be rushed, and for me to make it for myself, I feel like I am saying that I'm important enough to take the time to make it.

I was able to prepare a "small" batch of cocido, a Mexican beef soup that I learned how to make from grandma.  Once the recipe's perfected, I'll pass it on.  This is a soup normally made for a crowd - and I successfully made it for two people with only a bit of leftovers for lunch the next day for each of us.

I'm remembering the art of making delicious sandwiches.  The one here is a lamb sandwich with arugula and a fantastic spicy mustard that I bought from the Mountain View Farmers' Market.

I definitely don't want to say that this has all been a walk in the park.  Last night I had popcorn for dinner.  And there was a time a couple weeks ago when I ate pumpkin pie for three meals in a row before being saved by a friend's invitation to lunch.  But, when it comes down to it, cooking for one can sometimes be just what is required to get through the tough times.

Comments

[shuna]

This is lovely Jen. Cooking for one is always a bit of a challenge, one I've only sometimes met gracefully.

My mother used to say something I never understood, until now. When alone, gathering her energy, knitting and/or writing for days at a time, she would say, "I am watering my own garden."

Also, a few years ago Joyce Goldstein wrote a book about cooking for one. I think it's called Solo and I remember the recipes being warm and enticing.

[Jasmine]

I eat a lot of my own leftover and wish I was better at inviting people over to share all that cooking but I cook for myself because I deserve a homecooked meal (and I eat better than a lot of my co workers who have families and scads of people to feed). One of the bittersweet pleasures of cooking I experienced after breaking up with a guy I had seen for 6 years was adding the food he didn't eat back in to my repertoire.

Really a lovely post. It sounds like you're taking care of yourself, which is always important when you're going through difficult times. I love to cook for others, but cooking for myself can be wonderfully nourishing too. Best wishes.

[Kalyn]

I guess I'm half asleep still, but that comment above is from me.

[Jennifer Jeffrey]

I cook for one quite often... although "cook" might be stretching it much of the time. I love the sense of freedom I have when it's just me; I don't have to make a well-balanced meal, or even cook at all if I don't want to. I can eat just soup, or a big hunk of wonderful cheese, or whatever sounds good to me.

Of course I love it when I get to cook for two (or more), but I relish the no-pressure feeling of my solo days and nights... Sounds like you're doing great - and your chickpea/spinach soup looks fabulous!

[Pepper]

Hi Jen,

Cooking for one is naturally more creative, I think - you can eat whatever and whenever you want (for me, that means waiting until I am REALLY hungry), and if an experiment doesn't turn out you don't feel as bad about foisting your creation on someone else. If you decide to throw it out instead of choking it down, you are wasting less. I absolutely love my eight inch cast iron skillet, for cooking eggs and vegetables or even steak for one.

Pie for three meals in a row doesn't actually sound too bad, as long as it is good pie!

[jen maiser]

Shuna - Thanks. I asked (and received) for that book for Christmas one year, and darn if I can't find it now. You're right, it's a lovely book.

Jasmine - The adding food back into my repertoire thing is a whole 'nother post. Because you're right - that part is pretty interesting.

Kalyn - thanks!

Jennifer J & Pepper - welcome! I'll check out your sites. And Pepper, the pie is my absolute favorite: pumpkin pie from Upper Crust bakery. I think they're out of Marin County, and the pies can be purchased at WF and Mollie Stone's. It's kind of obnoxious how expensive they are, but I only buy a couple a year so I splurge.

[rache]

great post, jen. who said, "when in doubt, cook?" whoever they are, they are so right. there is something so comforting, loving and satisfying - and therapeutic - in the whole process of cooking. and you're correct: you're *way* important enough for risotto.

[McAuliflower]

I'd love to see your "for one" recipes on your blog... for example, cooking risotto for one? Cool!

I have this issue with cooking to the size of my pan! I need pans that are half as big as what I have :)

Its probably interesting getting to chose your own flavors and food agenda too.

cheers

[Tea]

I had the same problem when I went to college--I was so used to cooking for my family (and half of my brother's LaCrosse team) that making a small pot of soup was a learning curve (I still don't manage it often, but now that I no longer have a tiny student fridge, I can freeze the leftovers--which make great lunches or dinners for one later).

What I love about cooking just for myself is the opportunity to make things exactly the way I like them, and to eat when and how I please. Once you get into it, it can be wonderfully indulgent.

And I must say, the cocido was delicious! Thank you, my dear.

[shauna]

Jen, this is a brave, lovely piece, and I know that so many of us can relate. I cooked for myself for years, and I really learned to love it. Strangely, that space in the kitchen, with only me to fill it, became my playground. I didn't have to worry if another person liked the food or wonder when to put it on the table. I just cooked and danced and ate.

Now that I'm living with someone, I certainly don't mind cooking together. Of course, I love it. But sometimes I find myself missing the old space. Cherish it.

[cookiecrumb]

I went through an unexpected and unwanted single period several years ago. I think I waded through pots and pots of leftover soup and stew, because I couldn't learn how to cook for less than two.
What's funny to me now is when I cook for me and [the guy] and [the crazy-ass bitch mom and my OK decent dad], all of us together every so often, is that I don't know how to cook for four. I can't figure out the right pan width, the right temperature.
Good work, Jen.