Word Retreats

{240} lovely lilacs, originally uploaded by jen_maiser.

When I haven't written on this site for a while, when I've allowed it to lie fallow with only a couple of notes here or there, the blog becomes bigger than me.  I'm sure if you have a blog of your own, you can relate.  It becomes less of a casual, day-to-day posting thing and much more of a post-that-you-need-to-conquer-or-else-you-can't-go-on.  You begin to feel guilty for not updating, and begin to feel that you must write something really great in order to make it up to your readers.

I can't promise that, but I can tell you what's been going on in my life where possible.

I've been having a lot of a-ha moments lately, and several of them have come from the amazing people who I read on the Internet.  "Word Retreats," I've been calling them to myself.  The stories or phrases or moments that make me take a deep breath, regroup, and see the world from a slightly new perspective.

Word Retreat #1.  Opt out of the drama.

A couple of weeks ago, I took a super fast trip to Los Angeles.  I had a family obligation on Saturday, and since Sunday was Easter, I stayed in town to have brunch with everyone.  My sister lives over an hour from my mom's house, and we all piled into my grandparents' car to drive up to have brunch with Annie and her boyfriend.

At some point during the trip, I was telling my Aunt about some incident in my life.  "It was a total drama," I told her. 

"You have a lot of that?"  My grandmother, who was sitting next to me in the back seat, asked.

"Drama?  Yes.  A lot,"  I told her.  I'm single, and in my thirties, in the middle of San Francisco.  Between friends and day-to-day life, there tends to be drama, right?

"You know," she said, "the drama is always there.  And you can opt out of it at any point.  You can just let it wash over you.  And you know what?  If you decide that you want it back, the drama will always be there."

Since that day, when she spoke those words I needed to hear, I have really been trying to "opt out of the drama" when possible -- not completely succeeding yet, but at least trying.

Word Retreat #2.  You are a bad ass chick.

This one is years old, but I have been calling on it a lot recently.  There was a moment, about six years ago, when I was having a particularly rough couple days.   My dear friend Molly wrote me a one line e-mail.  It said, "You are a bad ass chick."  For years, I had it pinned to my bulletin board -- a way to remind myself that I was a strong woman who can handle whatever is coming at me.  I don't have it pinned up anymore, but it's ingrained in me.  And it amazes me that the one-line email had such an effect on me.  Not only does it give me strength to remember that I am a bad ass chick, but it reminds me about the power of our words.

Word Retreat #3.  Complicated emotions.

"Here is the truth: I have never had an uncomplicated emotion. 
Love + sorrow + devotion + grief arrive on my doorstep in a single package.
I don't even try to untangle them any more.
Today, I am grateful that I get to feel at all."

When Jennifer Jeffrey wrote this a couple of weeks ago, I let out a huge sigh of relief.  In an email to her later, I wrote, "You have no idea what you did for me by writing this."  Just in those words, in the fact that she admitted to emotional conflict, I felt a sort of permission to be as complicated as I tend to be.

Word Retreat #4.  You are exactly where you need to be.

For about a year and a half, I have had the note pictured here taped to the inside of my bathroom cabinet.  It says "Wherever I am is where I am meant to be."  This morning, I logged into my computer to see the same sort of reminder from the amazing Andrea.  Her post, "A love note to you", was exactly what I needed to hear this morning.

I hope this post finds you all well.  Any word retreats that you've been on lately?

Comments

[Ed]

What a great post Jen! A couple "word retreats" have stuck in my mind lately.

I rec'd a comment on my blog that made me think I had worn out the welcome, so to speak, over the loss of Toby (my dog for those who might stumble onto this and not know me). Then when reading "The Diary of Anne Frank" the other night she said "Paper is more patient than people." Light bulb moment, reminding me that while cyber-interaction is nice and certainly welcome, I'm doing it for me first and foremost. While "paper" has turned into a computer screen for most of us these days, it'll keep taking whatever we have to say and however long and how much we need to say about it.

And I have been a bit conflicted about my resilience/moving on since Toby has been gone. But I keep coming back to a quote from one of my college profs (I'm guessing he got it from somewhere else): "The anticipation of an event is often greater than the event itself." It takes on different meanings depending on the situation (good and bad), but it has stuck with me.

[Kalyn]

Great post! That's one smart Grandmother you've got.

[molly]

i can attest that jen's grandmother is VERY wise. thanks for the reminder of the importance and power of our words. you are a SUPER bad ass chick :)

[McAuliflower]

from the blog journey I took this morning in response to your superherodesign recommendation:
"I think you should do what will be the most fun for you." -on Swirly Girl

Isn't that our power in being adults now? I think I forgot.

[EB]

Maybe it's a 30's thing. This year (I'm 31) I too have come to let myself accept some of these realizations. Especially when I feel overwhelmed I've learned to take a step back and say 'ok... all this crap is going to be here whether you're freaking out over it or not. So you want to be a stress-monkey or enjoy your life?' It's not that there's then any less to do, but it all just seems 'ok' as soon as I choose to enjoy it.

Thanks so much for this post.

[Jennifer Jeffrey]

Jen, I love the idea of "word retreats" - what a powerful concept.

Here's one I've been enjoying lately:

It Is What It Is:

http://www.kerismith.com/blog/archives/000539.html

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[Amanda]

Jennifer, You think too much....that's the problem with being uber-smart. Life is WAY more fun when you're dumb. :)

[Jen S]

Even though I'm stumbling onto this over a week later your post hits me hard this week. I'm facing touch crossroads, emotional walls, and new independent challenges myself. Newly 30, changing careers, moving on and up I say.
Thank you for the wonderful inspirations and strength. It feels good to know we're not alone.
Idioms I've enjoyed lately: PSV-please send vodka by a friends who need humorous girlfriend support and laugh and dance it out (it works).
Thanks again

[tab]

Thank you for this...i have recently made a decision to take myself out of the drama and it was hard at first b/c i felt like i had to alienate myself in order to get away from the drama but over time i have learned i can still be active in life without drama. it has been truly refreshing!

[Courtney Cochran]

Love it. I have totally been on word retreats of my own lately, but didn't know what to call them (funny how naming things makes them so much more real). Thanks for the thoughtful post.

[lisette]

First: I love your blog. Great pictures, beautiful pictures and the way you write is very good.

But I love this post.. I was very moved by the words from your grandmother and I'm touched by your line about complicated emotions. At the moment I'm going through a rough time and these words were exactly that what I needed. Thank you for that!

Is it oke, if I post these words on my blog with a link to your site??

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